Kaldur on Crack
by velvie
Summary: Requested by a friend. The story follows the... interesting evening the team had when Roy tricked Kaldur into eating a brownie laced with crack. One-shot.


"Go on, take it" Roy said, offering Kaldur a brownie. Kaldur studied the brownie dubiously before taking a bite. It didn't taste quite like a normal brownie, but boy did it taste good.

* * *

"I AM THE MERMAID NINJA!" Kaldur yelled, throwing a cup of water into the air as he dived off the couch. Roy sat back in the kitchen, smirking contentedly. He loved watching his best friend act this way. He jumped suddenly when he heard someone entering through the zeta tubes.

_"Robin B-01"_

_"Kid Flash B-03"_

_"Artemis B-07"_

"What the-" Artemis said as she saw Kaldur laying on the floor cackling to himself. She turned her attention to the archer in the kitchen, who was now visibly less smug.

"What did you do?!" she yelled.

"Relax, Kaldur just had an... interesting new snacking experience." Roy said, smirking once again.

"Oh cool, I'll try some too!" Wally said, moving towards Roy. Artemis grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back.

"No, you won't" Artemis said, trying to give Wally a hint.

Robin stood back and watched, emotionless. He was trying to decide how he felt about the whole situation. Roy shouldn't really have drugged Kaldur, but to see him acting so carefree? Robin was glad he'd seen this.

"Guys, think about it. When have you ever seen Kaldur act like this? Or in any way other than calm and mature?" Robin said, sharing Roy's smirk. Wally and Artemis looked at each other, confused for only a moment, before smiling and settling to watch the event.

"Bow to me, mermaid civilians!" Kaldur's command was aimed at the team members. They all looked to one another before nodding and obeying his command. Robin discreetly pulled out a recording device and hid it in a bowl on the table. This would make great blackmail material.

"I am your leader and I demand you do as I say and bring me more water!" Kaldur's voice was strong and firm, but a smile tugged at his lips.

"No!" Wally yelled to Kaldur "We will not obey your demands!"

"Mutiny!" Kaldur shrieked. He charged towards his team mates. They all jumped quickly out of his path. Kaldur stopped abruptly.

"Who wants to play hide and seek?!" He yelled out to his friends. "I'll count. 1, 2, 3..."

The teenagers grinned and split up, making sure to hide in the most interesting places they could find. Robin hid in deep in the rafters, ready to jump out at the perfect moment. Roy, Wally and Artemis hid themselves as obviously as possible, wondering how long it would take for their drugged up friend to find them.

"100!" they heard Kaldur yell. They all stifled their laughter as Kaldur span around in the middle of the room. "I know you are here somewhere, I smell you!" he stopped to sniff the air, then headed straight over to the potted plant Wally was hidden behind.

"Hmm, smells like... Artemis!" Kaldur said happily. Wally couldn't contain his laughter any longer.

"Ok, ok, you found me" Wally said, trying to imitate Artemis "now let's go find the boys."

"You are right. Off we go!" Kaldur ran around, jumping on everything he could. Soil from potted plants flew everywhere, couch cushions were tossed around, and anything sat neatly on a surface was now laying not so neatly on the ground.

"Artemis, I smell Roy!" Kaldur called to Wally. Wally laughed and ran over to join his friend. They found Artemis behind a door leading out of the entertainment room. "Roy! Roy! Roy! We found you!"

"You certainly did" Artemis said, grinning at Wally.

"I know where Robin is now!" Kaldur told his friends before charging over to Roy's hiding place. "Come out, Robin! I found you!" Roy rolled out from behind the couch.

"Now we just need to find Wally..." Kaldur told his friends. At that moment, Robin dived down from the rafters and landed square on top of Kaldur.

"ASSAILANT!" Kaldur yelled, throwing his body around wildly. Robin held on tight, cackling as his friend tried to shake him off. The others roared with laughter at the scene. Kaldur eventually managed to throw Robin off, sending him flying into the wall. The others ran to him to check he was ok. While their backs were turned, Kaldur grabbed a couch throw and tossed it over his friends. "I have detained the assailants" he said, mostly to himself. The 4 teenagers writhed under the throw, trying to find the way out. As they struggled, Kaldur found some rope and began plucking the team members out one by one and tying them to chairs.

"Get off me, Kaldur!" Artemis growled as Kaldur forced her into the first chair. He tied her tightly to the chair and pushed it up against the wall, so Artemis could not move her hands enough to untie herself.

Roy tried to use his strength to hold Kaldur off, but Kaldur's determination gave him the edge. He did the same to Roy as he had done to Artemis.

"This is all your fault" Artemis spat. Roy and Artemis glared at each other constantly until they heard Wally yelling and thrashing. They turned to watch the scene. Wally's legs were flailing as Kaldur tied his hands. He then grabbed Wally's legs one by one and tied them to the chair legs.

"That's what you get for making a fuss" sneered Artemis. Wally rocked his chair side to side until it fell on Artemis. "Hey!" she yelled. Wally let out a laugh. The two teenagers then turned to see how Kaldur would get on trying to tie Robin up.

Robin threw Kaldur off of him with one quick movement. He turned to face the direction Kaldur had been thrown in, but there was no sign of him. "Since when did he move so fast?" he asked, mostly to himself. Robin then felt the tugging on his feet and before he could move he was hanging upside down from the rafters. Kaldur laughed evilly as he bound Robin's hands.

"Kaldur, I think you're taking this a bit far..." Robin said, trying to reason with him.

"Silence, assailant" was Kaldur's reply. He threw his head back and let out another evil laugh. Just at that moment, he over balanced and landed on his back. He had worn himself out and passed out on the floor.

* * *

M'gann and Conner entered to see the scene. The room was a disaster zone. Three of their friends were tied securely to chairs, one of them was hanging from the rafters and one was passed out on the floor.

"I'll explain later" Robin sighed.


End file.
